Why does Mommy Always Say 'NO!'

Here's a typical scene...

Kid: Dad can we play computer games?

Dad: sure..but u'll have to ask mommy first.

Kid: (hesitating) ...uh..but she will always say no.

Dad: Why don't u try?

Kid: OK...Mommy, can I play computer games?

Mom: Sure, after u've done ur work.

Kid: I told u she'll say no....(sulks)

Mom: I didn't say no...I said Yes only after you'd done ur work. Would u like me to say no?

Kid: No.

Mom: So did I say no?

Kid: No. Yes. No...*shrugs* Ok...I'll just get my work done.

Mom:*grins*

I've learnt not to say NO....as my first response. But I think my kids have learnt that I may not have said the word but I did say it in an unsaid way. Well, that's teaching them to pick up the subtle cues in speech. I don't know if that is good or bad but I sure know that it's made me sound less tyrannical and unreasonable. And it makes me capitalise on the situations that present itself rather than get frustrated that nothing I say ever gets done.

As for the "Always" I think I'll need to work on that. It's been becoming a rather unfair accusation lately. Mommy "always" gives her more reading time.

Why can't I "always" play my game without doing something first?

My friends "always" don't let me get the ball.

...and so the list goes on. Hmmm...wonder if the kids got it from me. Next to do ..watch my speech for the use of the word "Always". Now, I am ALWAYS ready!

Free Blog Headers

This week had me checking out lots of blogs I normally wouldn't have. And I found interesting sites like Tip Junkie. You might be interested to check the site out. They've got some pretty good giveaways. especially kid stuff. But what I noticed when I visited these blogs were how lovely they were.

The header of the blog gave the first time blog visitor a first impression of the rest of the blog. In a way, I'd safely and happily say that the header has to give off something about the personality of the blog. And I wanted to give mine a little bit of me. So in case you noticed something was different about the blog and you haven't figured it out yet, it's probably because of that blog header. Yup, you might want to scroll  up and look at what you missed. Don't you agree it makes my blog look a lot more chirpy and cheery? Not the stern  faced, strict, cold and unfeeling mom-monster it used to be. Now, I'm a light-hearted chirpy, bright and cheeky mommy. Yeah rite. Well at least I'm getting there.

Well in case you agree with my review of my blog's facelift and would like to know where I got such a pretty header, read on. (Oh..but just one word of caution, stay away from this header!) Visit Invision-Graphics.com. It's got lovely free headers!!! Who says that you need money to buy everything? All it took was a little Googling. 

First Learn to Read then Read to Learn

A friend asked me lately how I got my kids to read. It should be an easy question to answer, shouldn't it,  especially since both my kids can read and are not at the stage when they are learning to read? But the thing is, it's not so simple.

Although both are reading, they started reading at different ages and they learnt to read differently. It's not a one size fits all. There's no fixed solution for the problem. To begin with, I don't even think it's a problem. It becomes a problem if the child displays learning disabilities or if the parent neglects the need to impart/teach the skill to the child till it's too late. And when's too late? I think it's too late when the child is already in school and the basic skill requirement set for that level is that the child should be able to read. Even worse, is when parents begin to think that the problem they've created can be addressed with a fixed solution. Like if you have a cut, here's the band-aid. If your shoes don't fit, let's get a new one. If you don't have a pencil, use the pen. Acquiring the skill to read is not a problem you fix overnight. You can't just *snap* *snap* your fingers and they magically transform into readers. Gee, wish it were that easy!

So how did I get them to read? These are just some things I did. My mom started the ball rolling though :)

1. Start with A-B-C. Then move on to words you see in everyday life. 'On' 'Off" 'Open' 'Close' 'Go' 'Stop'. And of course every parent's favorite word 'NO!' It's a life skill so don't make it a lesson. Look around you and spot these words so that the kids can spot it for you next.
   
2. Know your child. Choosing the right books to begin with can make a big difference. 
3. It's fun to read, so make it fun!
4. Play rhyme games.
5. Move with the times - use the computer. Check this website http://www.starfall.com, http://pbskids.com
   
6. Read a story before bed every night. Before you know it, they'll start to remind you of their bedtime story time! And re-reading the book over and over and over again till you know the words by heart because your child keeps requesting for the same book. iBut seriously, it  is a good sign  because they'll soon recognize the words.
   
7. Try sounding the words together and then move on to you sounding the consonant sounds and the kid finishes off with the vowel sounds eg. 'B'-'ed' or 'St' -'ar'
8. If you know about multiple intelligences, then you might want to use various ways to teach because kids learn differently. What works for one child may or may not work for another. For sure my kids learnt very differently, they still do. If you don't know about this theory, you might want to pick up Howard Gardner's book or just google it.
9. Patience. Just like Rome wasn't built in a day, reading isn't going to happen tomorrow just because you started teaching them today.
10. Have fun yourself because it'll rub off on them.

 I'm at the stage when I need to remind my kids to read and remind myself not to take it for granted that they can read. It's so easy to forget that there's more to reading than just getting them started on reading. They're at the stage when they need to 'read to learn' because they have passed the 'learn to read' stage. Now the challenge for me is to give them variety - fiction, non-fiction, fairy tales, folk tales, newspaper, magazines, biographies....

Use the 'Search' function

P asked me today, "Mommy, how tall was I when I was 3yrs old?" And then A wanted to know when he started reading. Well I could remember well enough the answer to A's question but with P's question I had to guess by logical approximation her height in relation to mine. And then all of a sudden, I felt that time has simply passed me by and so many wonderful things - which at that time may have seemed insignificant - have been swept away with time. Lost. Gone. Forgotten.

I felt a twinge of guilt for not being one of those parents who have videos and photos of their kids' first steps, first words, first coo or how they used to say Mommy when they first learnt to talk or cute videos of their kids' performances on stage at preschool, or kindergarten and the list goes on. But then as I thought about it, unless I had a camera rolling 24 - 7, 7 days a week, I would probably not be able to capture every single minute of everyday in their lives.Then again, I wouldn't want to have those days when they were unwell, running a temperature with damp towels and bottles of medication with me looking like a sick chicken on tape either. Errmm..well I can't help being a little vain! 

So here I am, knowing that I can't make up for lost time or memory losses, but looking forward, I think what would work is to record what we did/or I did. And maybe in the future, when they ask me another "What happened in the past" question, I'd probably be able to say, "Why don't you try the 'search' function on that blog I have about us." Neat eh?